It’s hard to imagine how much despair she felt in her life that she resorted to such an act. I am sure it seemed like such an easy way out.  An option that would enable her to escape the pain she felt in what was likely a difficult life marked by divorce and family issues.

Since I’m friends with my kids on Facebook (though sometimes they refer to me as a “creeper”), I saw that they “liked” a page someone set up in the young girl’s memory. Here’s what it said (I will change the name of the deceased to respect her identity):

“Learn from this. Katie was loved. She was adored. In just a short matter of time she couldn’t take it anymore. She isn’t the only person who felt this way. If you see changes in one of your friends; TALK TO THEM. Let them vent to you. If they want to take their life TELL SOMEBODY. Look out for each other. She was beautiful, funny, creative and an amazing person. You never know what happens behind closed doors.”

Whomever wrote the post of Facebook was right. You have the keep the communication with your teens open. And you have to be observant as you monitor their behavior.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggests parents be mindful for the following signs from teens who might be contemplating suicide:

• change in eating and sleeping habits
• withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities
• violent actions, rebellious behavior, or running away
• drug and alcohol use
• unusual neglect of personal appearance
• marked personality change
• persistent boredom, difficulty concentrating, or a decline in the quality of schoolwork
• frequent complaints about physical symptoms, often related to emotions, such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, etc.
• loss of interest in pleasurable activities
• not tolerating praise or rewards

A teenager who is planning to commit suicide may also:

• complain of being a bad person or feeling rotten inside
• give verbal hints with statements such as: I won’t be a problem for you much longer, Nothing matters, It’s no use, and I won’t see you again
• put his or her affairs in order, for example, give away favorite possessions, clean his or her room, throw away important belongings, etc.
• become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression
• have signs of psychosis (hallucinations or bizarre thoughts)

The Ohio State University Medical Center offers some really helpful information about teen suicide on their Web site.

Give your kids a hug tonight, and every night, and reassure them that nothing is worth ending your life over.

I was talking to come female co-workers about their daughters, and we’ve had deep conversations about teenagers, male and female, and just how difficult it can be to raise them.  It’s a good thing hair color and wine were invented – with a 13-year old daughter, too, I’m in for a long ride of grey hair and angst.

Talking to current moms and those whose daughters have gone on to college and successful careers, I thought I would share their perspectives along with some of mine (and my husband, who has the honor of being in only man in a home with three women and a neutered dog):

1. Be a mom first, and always first. Being a friend is a nice secondary bonus. It seems like some moms want to live vicariously through their teenage daughters, talking and dressing like they’re 16 again. The fact is that it’s harder to be a mother and easier to be a friend. You won’t always be popular, and your kid will likely tell you you’re annoying, or she hates you, but in the end, isn’t parenting all about giving kids the life skills that they need to eventually move on and be productive, self-sufficient individuals?  Forget the Hollister sweatshirts and the Pink sweatpants. If you’re 39, it’s ok to dress like you’re 29, but 19? Really?

2. Never underestimate the power of the three Rs – respect, responsibility and reputation. Kids have to earn respect from their friends, parents, teachers and others. And earning it coming from giving it. I think all too often, kids are disrespectful and often downright rude. Respect starts at home and instilling this value is so important.

When I talk about responsibility, I think I mean personal accountability. Taking ownership for one’s actions. Helping around the house and ensuring that school, family and extra-curricular responsibilities are handled with parents helping kids understand how to prioritize responsibilities. Additionally, it seems like many parents don’t want their kids to be punished because they lack responsible behavior. “Oh no, not my kid, he’d never do anything like that.” Right. If my child does something that warrants negative consequences, then they’ll need to face the outcome and learn from it. That’s how we learn and become better people.

Reputation. Once you lose it, it’s hard to regain. Listening to teen conversations in the car and at home, even on Facebook, you can hear how quickly one’s reputation can be trashed. Parents need to help kids understand that their behaviors and action have consequences – both positive and negative. Choices in friends (of both sexes) and clothes. Your behavior in public and behind closed doors. What you say to others and what you post on Facebook. All can impact your reputation – forever. Parents need to help kids understand the value of a good reputation and the often disastrous impact of a negative one.

3. Be empathetic. You remember how difficult it was to be a teenager. Few stages are as difficult in life because you’re still a kid but yearn to be treated like an adult. But teenage brains aren’t fully developed and that’s why teens are often more likely to engage in risk-taking behavior. Sometimes the best time to talk is when you’re in a one-on-one, non-threatening situation, like driving somewhere together or shopping. Think about the issues facing teens – high pressure tests at school, the movement from face-to-face communications to social networking and texting, increasing rates of obesity, teen pregnancy and STDs, juggling multiple commitments at home, work, school and elsewhere. Taking time to listen without judging is so important.

4. Reinforce the positive. We all want to be recognized for the good things we do. As working parents, both my husband and I know how hard it can be to remember these little details. Ice cream sundaes to celebrate a good test score. A compliment on a new outfit before school. A note in a lunch box. Little things like this mean a lot.

5. Make time for fun. In today’s society, it seems like we’re wrapped up in the rat race every day. Little time to stop, breathe and truly relax. That’s why vacations can be so good for families. And they don’t have to be extravagant, expensive or long. Sometimes a chance of venue is just the remedy for a stressed out family. Several ago when my family was on a cruise, we opted to do a couple really fun excursions that included ATV riding in the desert and ziplining in the jungle. We were all out of our comfort zone with these activities, but it was fabulous to experience something new and different together. And we took away some great memories that will last a lifetime.

So take these ideas from me and other moms for what they’re worth to you. And enjoy the kids while they’re home…it won’t be long before they’re gone and you wish they were driving you crazy again.

Progress in Prevention

Coming off of the heels of such an amazing event, it’s awesome to hear that progress is being made in preventing breast cancer. Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic’s Lerner Research Institute have a promising new breast cancer vaccine prototype. Tested in mice, it’s very encouraging according to the study’s principal investigator, Dr. Vincent Tuohy.

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to prevent breast cancer with something as simple as a vaccine?  There are vaccinations for cervical and liver cancers, but these target viruses while the one being tested at the Cleveland Clinic targets cancer formation. If any human testing proves successful, the intent would be to vaccinate women 40 and over as well as younger women with a heightened risk of breast cancer. Sign me up.

Funding, Finding and Fighting

There are many people and institutions studying cancer prevention and they rely on funding from sources like the Komen Race for the Cure, the National Cancer Institute, the American Cancer Society and many others. As my daughters have seen friends affected by the disease, they’ve chosen to take an active role in helping prevent it. My youngest sold candy bars and raised in excess of $330 for the Race. In a couple of weeks, they’ll be supporting the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life, and celebrating a friend’s dad who has remained cancer-free several years after a life-saving bone marrow transplant.

By educating our kids about health and wellness, we can help them to understand how to take care of themselves, and we can help create a generation of health advocates. I hope that my daughter’s interest in biology leads her to develop promising discoveries like the one at the Cleveland Clinic.

PS – if you haven’t had a mammogram recently, get one. Your newblets, and your kids, will thank you.

Bombeck said, ”One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is. “

Out of the Mouths of Babes
That’s so true. It’s amazing how much we need to know as mothers.  Today I thought about  some of the hilarious things my two daughters have asked about or said that made me laugh out loud. When you get questions like these, it’s pretty hard not to laugh:

 - “Mom, why doesn’t Winnie the Pooh wear pants?”
-  ”Mom, is that the doctor’s office where you go to get your monogram?”
- “Why do boys have weiners and girls have virginias?”
-  ”Are those omelet people?” asked my younger daughter when we visited Ohio’s Amish country.
- “Mom, what is a douchebag anyway?”

Ahh, the Joys of Motherhood

In celebration of Mother’s Day, and because I’m too tired to think of another topic to write about, I’m sharing some of my favorite quotes about motherhood:

“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.” – Erma Bombeck

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillon

“Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.” – Unknowndave barry,

“Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.”  -Dave Barry

“Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day.  It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken. ” -Bill Dodds

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” – Peter deVries

“Always be nice to your children because they’re the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” – Bill Cosby

“Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.” – Mae Maloo

And I think this is my favorite of all…

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there’s a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is crooked. This is sick. – Erma Bombeck

Here’s to unmade beds and making every day Mother’s Day!

I cannot image for a moment being denied the opportunity to be with a loved one in the hospital. A person’s sexual orientation is irrelevant to this, and for the life of me, I don’t understand how a hospital could deny this right to any individual. And as a parent, it is appalling to me that their children could be denied the chance to be with their parent at the end of life. How devastating.

Same-Sex Hospital Visitation

Last year, the New York Times ran a story, “Kept from A Dying Partner’s Bedside,” which chronicles a series of events that happened to Lisa Pond and her partner of 18 years, Janice Langbehn.

Lisa and Janice’s ordeal happened in 2007  when they traveled to Miami with their three children, then ages 9, 11 and 13, for a cruise. After boarding the ship, Lisa collapsed while taking pictures of the kids. Since the ship was still in port, they were able to get Lisa to Jackson Memorial Hospital.

According to the Times article, Janice said a hospital social worker informed her that she was in an “antigay city and state” and that she would need a health care proxy to get information. (side note: how did this social worker ever get hired with an attitude like that?).

Janice provided the proxy documents, but during her eight-hour stay in the trauma unit waiting room, she had two brief encounters with doctors, then finally was told that Lisa had no chance of recovering.

Janice had only a few minutes with Lisa when a priest administered last rites. It wasn’t until several hours later that the three exhausted children were finally able to visit their unconscious mother who was declared brain-dead the following morning.

Equal Access to Care and Compassion

It’s hard to believe that a hospital like Jackson Memorial, a Level One trauma center with staff and physicians accustomed to caring for critically ill and injured patients, would have reacted in such a way. Isn’t care and compassion a core value of all physicians and staff at every hospital? You’d hope so.

In this new ruling, hospitals that receive federal money through Medicaid and Medicare must comply. Once enacted, the new rules will  apply to everyone — each patient will be able to designate his or her visitor. The medical power of attorney standards are still governed by state law, but the President’s Memorandum (and, in fact, existing federal regulations) require hospitals to respect those powers of attorney. Unfortunately, in some cases, like that involving Lisa and Janice, hospitals have not respected those legal documents when presented by same-sex couples.

Every day we wake up not knowing if it will be our last. We owe it to one another to create a system of care that enables active participation and involvement from family members while supporting the role of patient care providers.

Thanks, Janice, for standing up for this most basic of human rights.

Online All the Time

The white paper confirmed something I’ve seen in my two girls – and in every teen girl I know – they go online to maintain their friendships. In fact, 71 percent are online with friends, not just surfing randomly. And their value-minded moms seem to be influencing them with 77 percent more likely to buy sale-priced items than one at full price. 

This is great to hear, considering how fickle teen girls seem to be with their tastes and preferences changing all the time. Both daughters want to redecorate their rooms, but I’m a little reluctant to start this process because they’re constantly changing their minds. One day they’re influenced by a friend’s room, another by something they saw on HGTV. In great article in MediaWeek, “Their So-Called Life,” author Marita Scarfi uncovers additional insights into this hard-to-engage demographic. Scarfi calls teen girls “… a bundle of contradictions, they’re still building their identities and moving among these different identities every day.”

I couldn’t agree more. My daughters play the role of sister, friend, student, daughter, performer, athlete and others, and how they behave changes depending on whey they are and with whom. One point Scarfi makes that’s a little disconcerting for me, though, is that it is widely believed that teen girls can filter information they find online, but this isn’t always the case—especially when it comes to information regarding mental, sexual and general health issues. Teens may end up on credible sites like Yahoo Answers or WebMD, but they may also be guilty of Googling health questions, leaving them susceptible to incorrect information.

Surfing for Health

In fact, according to a Pew Internet report on Social Media and Young Adults, about a third of online teens ages 12 to 17 use the internet to look for health, dieting or physical fitness information. It’s interesting to read in this same report that teens also use the internet to look for information on health topics that are hard to talk about, like drug use, sexual health or depression. A bit more than one in six (17%) internet-using teens look online for information about sensitive health topics.

As a communications professional, I see the value in working hard to find ways to connect with these girls so they make smart, safe and informed choices.But as a mom, I know the Internet alone doesn’t replace the role that one-on-one dialogue plays.  Sure, some topics are difficult to cover, but wouldn’t you rather your kid get correct information from you rather than incorrect information from someone else?

Straight Talk from Mom and Dad

I think none of us can underestimate the role the parents play.  Even though kids might work part-time jobs and/or receive an allowance, mom and dad are often key to providing kids with factual, credible information needed to make appropriate decisions that can impact them for the rest of their lives. There are several Web sites that are good resources for teens, or can help parents initiate a conversation with kids.

They include ConnectedYouth.org, a site that is funded by the Michael and Susan Dell Foundation. It includes a number of links to credible and informative sites from hospitals, government agencies and non-profits. It also points out some Web sites that pertain to boys or girls only, and others that focus on a specific issues such as mental health and eating disorders. HealthFinder.gov and KidsHealth.org are also good resources.

Just recently, a new suicide prevention campaign aimed at teenagers ages 13 to 17 was launched. It provides online resources and support through ReachOut.com, a site funded by the Inspire Foundation. I can’t help but wonder if a site like this would have been helpful to our family friend who took her life earlier this year.

Heather was a magna cum laude college graduate and had joined the National Guard. She had just returned from a trip to Israel with her guard unit.

A Zest for Life and Living

We really got to know Heather several years ago when she and a five teenagers joined us and two other families on a summer trip. There was a huge bedroom full of girls at the summer rental home, and they had a fabulous time together. It was particularly meaningful because all the older girls made my two feel right at home. Heather’s smile lit up a room – she had an amazing sense of humor and a compassionate spirit not typically seen in teenagers.

Last Saturday, we heard she’d been missing and many of us started to worry. Her family worked with the police to contact her cell provider to determine where her last call or text message had been sent. Based on that location, they started to search. It was a short time later that Heather’s dad, and her best friend, Katie, found her car at a local mall. Her body was in it, completely covered by blankets so she would not be seen by others.

Why?

It will be several weeks before toxicology reports come back, so no one knows for certain what she took to end her life. It’s irrelevant anyway, now, because she’s gone. Now we have a mix of wonderful memories of her contrasted with the never-ending question – why?

As a parent, this was difficult for me and my husband, particularly since we’d never been through this before. And, it was obvious my children were completely devastated and confused. “How could someone so smart, talented, compassionate and friendly so something like this? She has everything to live for,” they said.

I don’t think I’ve experienced anything quite as sad as Heather’s funeral. Hundreds of people paid respects to her family. The military pallbearers removed her flag-draped casket from the hearse, conducted a 21-gun salute and roll call, and gave a carefully folded American flag to her parents and also to her brother, who had served in the Air Force.

Something Not Talked About

Suicide is a serious public health problem that’s shrouded in secrecy and shame. Amazingly, suicide is the third leading cause of death for those Heather’s age. The incidence of suicide among young adults ages 20 to 24 is 12.5 per 100,000. I found a helpful site, Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (www.save.org), which has a lot of great information, including a page about how to talk to children.

One point I found particularly interesting was that the majority of the people who take their lives (estimated at 90%) suffer with an underlying mental illness or substance abuse problem at the time of their death. They weren’t sick, but their brains were. Too often we think that a person is their brain, that’s where their personality or character resides. This is not true. The brain is an organ just like the liver, the kidneys, the gallbladder, etc. When it gets sick, the appearance of the problem is often in the form of a mental illness, as in the case of depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, or schizophrenia. If the brain is sick too long, it can lead a person to take his or her life.

It Starts With Awareness

Of course, this isn’t always the case, as millions of people live with depression and never attempt or die by suicide, but with awareness, education, and treatment, people can be helped so that suicide does not become an option.

“Our society needs to take on suicide the way business has taken on industrial accidents. Zero tolerance,” says John V. Campo, MD, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry and medical director of behavioral health at Nationwide Children’s Hospital.

“Every time there’s a suicide, the local mental health community should be asking what we could have done to prevent it. And, we can prevent youth suicides if we build a comprehensive system to identify and care for kids at risk. Primary care is an important part of such a system,” he adds.

I hope we can do more to understand mental illness and substance abuse to help people obtain the help they need to cope with these diseases. Such pain is inflicted on families and friends when a life is gone too early. Please pray for Heather and her family so that they can find comfort in knowing she’s no longer in pain.

Resources

Some other helpful resources I’ve found include:

KidsHealth.org

Suicide Prevention Resource Center

SafeYouth.org

Mayo Clinic

We left the television on since the Golden Globes were about to start. Most of us women were watching the stars arrive on the red carpet, checking out their dresses and bling. The men were talking about football. At least until Mariah Carey arrived. With her own Golden Globes. She had her own trophies before the award show ever started. Probably a “D” if I were guessing. Which I wasn’t. They were out there for the whole world to see.

Yes, Mariah’s chest arrived well before she did. The men didn’t know quite how to work the remote fast enough to freeze Mariah’s ginormous ta-tas on the screen. And it’s more than obvious that she wanted a little return on investment for her girls. No, I’m not talking children, either.

Busting Out

It wasn’t much different last week’s on the Grammy’s. Beyonce busted out (no pun intended) her girls. She must have had some pretty good spray adhesive going on to avoid a major wardrobe malfunction.

Anymore, there is a national obsession with bust size, don’t you think? From Dr. 90210 to the Real Housewives of Orange County, they’re everywhere.  Seems like L.A. stands for Large Assets, not Los Angeles.

In my daughter’s Allure magazine arrived the other day with a story called “Implant Nation.” Ok, one woman featured in the story had a 54G chest. Seriously, you’d lean so far forward with those that you’d get calf pain. And back pain. And forget about ever seeing your belly button again.

Why don’t more women just use those chicken-cutlet thingies that Miss America contestants put in their clothes for a little enhancement?  Actually, those remind me of an unforgettable experience. My youngest was about one and her sister was three, and I felt like I needed to do something for myself. You know, to give the girls a little lift. They’d been put to good use after a couple of kids.

Mmm…Tasty

I decided to stop into a Victoria’s Secret with two kids in tow – one in a stroller, the other walking. The nice sales lady recommended some styles that offered support. I took her up on her offer to try them on. I tried to move quickly, knowing that my time was limited before one of the two had a meltdown. Sure enough, one kid escaped under the dressing room door while I was trying to try on a bra that looked a little more feminine than the scary post-partum harness I’d been wearing.

While I try to retain my modesty and catch the escaping kid, the one-year-old in the stroller bit into the small gel inserts inside the support bra. I only hoped that the gelatinous goo on her chin that resulted from chomping on the $50 lacy bra was non-toxic. Really, for 50 bucks, you’d expect a bra to be tasty, too.

By this time, I was exasperated. Trying to get my post-partum boobs out of my pockets and into some quasi-feminine boob shelf just wasn’t working for me. It was a nightmare – a cross between the Great Escape and Bizarre Foods – and I couldn’t get out quickly enough.

The Victoria’s Secret lady asked me how I was doing. I secretly hoped she’s take my toddler and keep her occupied so I could figure out how to deal with the half-eaten bra insert. “Oh, just fine,” I said, hoping to find a way to get the old boob sling back on so I could make a stealth getaway.

After a little reconnaissance outside the dressing room, I quickly made my way out of the store with the escape artist and bra-eating bandit. I figure I’d settle for a lesser expensive foundational garment from a place like Target.

Anorexic Barbie

As a parent of teenage girls, it is frustrating to see how much emphasis the media puts on women’s bodies. We’re expected to be perfect. Just look at the Barbie doll. If Barbie were a real person, she would be six feet tall, weigh 100 pounds and wear a size 4. Her measurements would be 39″/21″/33″. Again, a ginormous chest. Let’s teach our girls that physical perfection is unattainable. They should strive for a reasonable weight and get that through eating right and regular exercise.

Now, I’m shopping for bras with my two girls at Victoria’s Secret (I secretly cringe when I go in the stores hoping there’s not a WANTED poster of me in the back) or Target (LOVE that store). And even though no one will see them (at least I hope not), they’re all about the cute colors and styles. And I can now shop alone now, without the fear of escaping and bra-eating toddlers.

My twelve-year-old, Emily, decided to have a get together of her girlfriends - all of whom were in seventh grade. Of course she planned this for the first night of winter break – a day both of her parents were working. Anyway, it was a pretty smooth evening including cookie decorating, snacks, movies and a gift exchange. The most amusing part of the night, though, was hearing the girls talk about how boys smell.

Boys Are Smelly

“ I LOVE the smell of Axe,” exclaimed one of the girls. “I just love it when the boys spray Axe on themselves when they’re at their locker.” I could only laugh, thinking about what a co-worker said about his twelve-year-old son. “The kids always smells,” he said, “even after he takes a shower.”

Isn’t being a parent of a kid or kids going through puberty fun? Sometimes I think I’d rather have a filling replaced or read the entire U.S. Tax Code than go through dealing with the attitude, mood swings and other drama that comes with the massive hormonal changes in my kids. No wonder parents get gray hair and wrinkles.

Having two girls, 12 and 14, I’m witnessing firsthand their increased awareness of the themselves, but also the opposite sex. Not only are they noticing how boys are smelling when the wear Axe, the world’s most popular male grooming brand, they are obsessed with smelling good themselves.

The girls have no less than about 20 different body sprays and fragrances in their shared bathroom. Not long ago, I cleaned my daughter’s room  only to come across something no mother ever expects to find in a kid’s room. 12 containers of deodorant. Roll-on, solid and spray, clear, white - all different scents. She either has obsessive-compulsive disorder, is very concerned about smelling good or she’s a deodorant hoarder.  Regardless, I’m ok with it. It could have been something worse, you know. She now has a vast collection of what she refers to as “pit gel” and refuses to leave the house if she doesn’t have it on. She even keeps some in her backpack.

Sensory Overload

When we go to the grocery store, both girls head to the personal care aisle, sniffing the literally hundreds of options in shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving gel, toothpaste, styling gel, lip gloss, hairspray – it’s enough to give you sensory overload, not to mention a major headache. And at this time of year, gifts from Bath and Body Works are a quick and easy gift…which add even more smells to a home that’s permeated by everything from Velvet Tuberose to Black Amethyst and holiday candles.

A couple weeks after the all-girl sleepover, my older daughter had a New Year’s Eve party. With both boys (actually, I should call them guys) and girls. They were all hanging out downstairs in the finished basement watching movies. When I went downstairs to take them some snacks, I was overwhelmed by the smell of Axe and feet.  Sweaty feet. Big ones, like size 12 as evidenced by the pile of shoes in the front hallway. Nice. So much for the smell of the double chocolate chip cookies I made them. I had an overwhelming urge to spray the group of guys down with Febreze.

They Won’t Axe the Fragrances

It’s pretty amusing to watch how they’re growing up and paying attention to themselves more. Except when you have to wait for them to “get ready.” My husband, who never had sisters, now spends a disproportionate amount of time waiting for his daughters to look and smell good before leaving the house. This entails at least an hour of applying a variety of highly scented products to the entire body – starting with a shower and ending with clothes washed with scented Tide and Bounce. He totally doesn’t get it since he takes only ten minutes to shave, shower and dress.

At least he’s low maintenance…and he doesn’t wear Axe.

Take Britney Spears, for example. She has a divorce, loses her kids, has a public mental breakdown, shows off her hoo-ha in public numerous times, etc.  By my standards, that makes her a total failure. But controversy drove her ‘brand’ through the roof and people made millions from the controversy. The celebrity world can’t survive without controversy and drama.

It’s All About the Controversy

The media creates its own controversy. A guy like Tiger Woods doesn’t even need to commit adultery or drive drunk -the media will decide how they want to label his actions and THAT will become the reality perceived by the public.
Many people have no standard moral compass, so the very nature of the fame that superstars receive is through worship and idolatry, not always through external competence. Fans never hold their superstars to the same standards of their own lives. What superstars get away with on a daily basis,  the average person would probably go to jail for. As a parent, this double standard makes me nuts. Pediatrician and blogger Dr. Gwenn agrees as she writes in her post about out of control celebrity behavior.

One of my two daughters absolutely loves the TLC program, “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” She has recorded and watched every episode of the now cancelled series. She has seen two people go from what she perceived as a loving relationship to one that’s wrought with finger-pointing, money battles and infidelity splashed on the front of every tabloid and as the lead story on prime time entertainment shows. What’s the message here? Treat each other really bad, fight over money and kids and then you’ll be glorified for it by the media. What’s the lesson? Being famous isn’t glamorous, and being parents is hard work that requires mutual respect and commitment from the both.

The Celebrity Double Standard

Now Tiger Woods, clean cut, wholesome, family guy with a wife, kids, dogs - the iconic face of the Nike brand – is now portraying his infidelity as a simple problem. One that can easily be fixed by throwing some money at it. Come on, Tiger, really. Did you seriously think that paying these women off would make your troubles go away? Do you really want to send a message to your adoring fans, many of whom are kids, that it’s ok to offer to pay your wife millions to stay married when you’ve been fooling around with women across the country? And this is headline news on the major television networks. Give me a break.

Gatorade announced today that it was discontinuing its “Gatorade Tiger Focus” sports drink. Smart decision, Gatorade. Their move isn’t much different than Nutella foregoing a relationship with Kobe Bryant after his sexual assault charge and Kellogg’s dropping Michael Phelps after  his bong incident.

The constant media focus on celebrities and their outrageous behavior, combined with attention-seeking reality TV star-wannabes, like the White House state dinner crashers, is creating a generation of kids who have no real role models.  As long as we parents continue to buy these magazines, watch these shows and buy the products endorsed by celebrities whose behavior is hardly role model material, the cycle will continue.

Let’s Focus on REAL Role Models

The people who deserve our attention are the people, the real role models, who make this country great. It’s really not hard to find them – but they’re out there. The media, though, seems to have difficulty locating them. They are soldier and their families who stay behind while they fight in Iraq. They’re the volunteers who feed, clothe and house the homeless. They are firefighters and police officers who work 24/7 to keep us safe. Public health workers fighting H1N1 and medical researcers. They are athletes like former Ohio State Buckeye and Heisman Trophy winner, Eddie George. Eddie created the EGX Kids Fitness Challenge to bring awareness to and help reverse the rising rates of childhood obesity through physical activity, nutrition, and overall healthy lifestyle changes.

Let’s start rewarding and recognizing good behavior so we give our kids they best chance to grow up smart and confident with a good moral compass, a sense of what’s right and wrong and an understanding of what integrity is. And sorry, Tiger, since morphed into a cheetah with few morals and no apparent since of right and wrong, you no longer have my support.